INT. STROMBOLI OLIE’S – NIGHT
Coach McGuirk sits at a table across from Clara.
CLARA
Thanks for inviting me to dinner, John. It’s so great to be able to sit down with other writers and talk about writing.
COACH MCGUIRK
Yeah, you know me, I love writing so much, I can hardly stand it.
CLARA
I’m so fascinated by your novel. It’s so sexy when a man can come up with good ideas and turn them into words on a page.
COACH MCGUIRK
That’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about, Clara. You see, I’m not the person you think I am from my novel.
CLARA
What, do you think I’m stupid?
COACH MCGUIRK
No, I…
CLARA
I know you’re not a secret double agent, John, I know it’s just a book. You’ve never killed a whale with your bare hands, you probably don’t have a yacht, and there’s no such thing as marshmallow volcano lava.
COACH MCGUIRK
What? Of course there is. It’s not that, Clara. The truth is, I’m not a real writer. What I submitted was the most I’ve ever written in my entire life and I plan to keep it that way.
CLARA
I see. That certainly changes things.
COACH MCGUIRK
It does?
CLARA
Big time. Unfortunately, I’m only attracted to writers, so if that’s not you, I may have gotten my hopes up.
COACH MCGUIRK
There’s gotta be another way. I like you so much, there has to be a way we can make this work.
CLARA
Well, truth be told, I haven’t been honest with you either, John.
COACH MCGUIRK
You haven’t?
CLARA
Yes, I’m an aspiring author, but I’m also a prostitute, John.
COACH MCGUIRK
Uhh, wait, what?
CLARA
I’m a prostitute, John. So you can have me if you can afford me.
COACH MCGUIRK
And how much is that?
Clara leans over the table and whispers in his ear.
COACH MCGUIRK
Oh. Is there any chance you would accept 20%-off coupons to Bogurt’s Yogurt?
CLARA
That’s a confirmed no on the yacht, huh?
COACH MCGUIRK
Wait a minute. I did write what I submitted. You’re telling me, all I have to do is keep writing and you’ll be my girlfriend?
Clara smiles.
FADE TO BLACK.
James P. W. Martin 