Unknown Rapper Trying to Get Shot For Fame

SquiggleXLampshade diving headfirst into the crossfire of gang violence. 

Virtually unknown Chicago-based rapper, SquiggleXLampshade, is trying to earn his place among the greatest rappers by getting shot.  “My music sounds like every other rap song,” he bragged, “my hair-do looks like an exotic bird, I have face tattoos, now I just need some bullet holes to get clicks on my soundcloud.”  Our interview took place on a street corner in the Chicago projects, where the 20-year-old rapper was actively searching for drive-by shooters.  “All the best rappers got shot before they made it big, I’m just looking for my shot at fame,” SquiggleXLampshade said, before spitting out two verses which rhymed fame with fame, causing the interviewer to roll his eyes.  “I’m out here starting beefs with everyone – that’s how you play the rap game.”  He appeared optimistic that he would soon be discovered, claiming, “once I get shot, I can finally get in the studio and make some music.”  As of press time, SquiggleXLampshade was wearing a deer outfit while frolicking through hunting grounds.

Steven Tyler Leaks Unreleased Aerosmith Song: “I Don’t Want To Kiss Your Thing”

On Joe Rogan’s podcast last week, Steven Tyler let it slip that the original lyrics to the song, “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing,” may have had been profoundly different than the song we have come to know.  After some deep web research and a few house calls in Maui, this blog was granted exclusive access to a portion of the unreleased song.  Below is the leak from Joe Rogan’s podcast, followed by the clip of the unreleased song.  It appears that the original version of the song was actually about Steven Tyler’s refusal to kiss “your thing,” which by the described “stink,” must surely refer to a gentle-lady’s private parts.  Following the revelation of the unreleased track, DJ Khaled commented that he, too, “does not kiss it.”

After reviewing the song, we interviewed Steven Tyler, mainly to ask about the quality of his voice in the unreleased song.  “I must have had a cold that day,” Tyler mused.  “It really did work out to re-record the track when I was feeling better.  And I think removing the part about smelly pussy helped make it a smash hit.”