INT. SCHOOL AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
The sign on the door reads: WRITING COMPETITION TONIGHT! Melissa is on stage in front of the crowd, reading her submission.
MELISSA
And here, thou art cast away, Wilson. Bound to mine own earthly raft, I cannot reach. For if I follow, to the tide, I will finally succumb. You are cast and I am cast, and we are both castaways.
INT. BACKSTAGE – NIGHT
Brendon is watching Melissa from backstage, while he continues to write his submission.
BRENDON
And, done!
Brendon puts down the pen and paper. Coach McGuirk and Clara approach him.
COACH MCGUIRK
Brendon, I’m glad I caught you. Listen, you don’t have to do that thing any more.
BRENDON
Ah ah ah, I’m a man of my word, Coach. I told you I could handle it and I did.
COACH MCGUIRK
What did you do?
BRENDON
I finished your novel, but I didn’t have time to write for the competition, so I combined them into one.
COACH MCGUIRK
Oh my god, Brendon, don’t.
The audience applause and Mr. Lynch takes the microphone.
MR. LYNCH
That was Melissa, with A Midsummer Night’s Castaway. And now, our next competitor, Brendon Small.
BRENDON
You’ll thank me for this later, Coach.
Melissa exits and Brendon walks on stage. Coach McGuirk turns to Clara.
COACH MCGUIRK
We should leave right now.
CLARA
Why, babe? What’s wrong?
COACH MCGUIRK
It’s just…
BRENDON
Ahem, if I could get everyone’s attention please. My submission to the writing competition is dedicated to my soccer coach, Coach McGuirk.
CLARA
That’s so sweet.
BRENDON
He’s always there for me when I have a question and he teaches me valuable lessons. He’s honestly more of a father figure to me than my own dad is.
AUDIENCE
Awwww!
BRENDON
Most recently, he taught me that it’s okay to be a prostitute.
COACH MCGUIRK
Jesus Christ, Brendon, what are you doing?
CLARA
Aww!
MR. LYNCH
Excuse me?
BRENDON
We’re all prostitutes in our own way and society needs prostitutes in order to thrive. Being a prostitute is a beautiful thing.
CLARA
You go, little weird kid!
BRENDON
And now for my writing submission. In that moment, double agent Coach McGuirk decided to hire a prostitute, because hiring a prostitute is a lot easier than doing it yourself.
MR. LYNCH
Get off the stage, Brendon. You don’t have to do it anymore.
BRENDON
Okay. Oh, and by the way, if anyone needs a prostitute, I’m currently selling my services.
Brendon walks off stage.
CLARA
Okay, that got weird.
COACH MCGUIRK
The imaginations on these kids, huh?
MR. LYNCH
I’ll see you in my office after the show, McGuirk.
BRENDON
(To Coach McGuirk)
So, what did you think?
COACH MCGUIRK
I think I just lost my job.
CLARA
I thought it was amazing. You have a real talent with words.
Clara leans down and kisses Brendon on the forehead.
BRENDON
Oh, wow. Now I get why you want to be a writer, Coach.
COACH MCGUIRK
You’re lucky I don’t want to go back to prison, Brendon.
INT. SCHOOL AUDITORIUM – NIGHT
MR. LYNCH
And the winner of tonight’s writing competition is Jason Penopolis, who wrote, Culture of the Cultured: An Ode to Yogurt.
JASON
Alright! Yogurt-eaters for the win!
MR. LYNCH
And your prize is a twenty-dollar gift-certificate to Ike Dream’s Ice Cream!
JASON
Are you friggin’ kidding me?
FADE TO BLACK.
CREDITS.
James P. W. Martin 