“My Cat Is Depressed,” And 99 Other Reasons I Didn’t Write A Blog Post Today

I’m writing a novel, I’m writing a blog, I have a life, and I like to keep up to date with books, movies and music.  I’m only one person and I only have 24 hours in a day, so I’ve been delegating editing work to my cat.  I know what you’re going to say, “Jim, just hire a human editor to proof-read your work.”  I’m sorry I can’t afford that right now.  Everything I write has to go by my cat before it gets published.  Subsequently, my cat is depressed and is feeling extra lethargic.  He’s still working through what I wrote for him two days ago and his mood is not picking up.  As you can imagine, with my editor D.I.A. (depressed in action), it’s impossible to get any work done which is why I haven’t written a blog post in the last few days.

I’m going to the store later tonight to buy some catnip in hopes that will brighten his mood and get him back on track so that I can finish a blog post in (hopefully) the next day or two.  But, of course, I don’t want my cat to be reliant on elicit substances in order to function.  So I’ll just start by micro-dosing the catnip – not me of course, my cat.  I mean, why would I micro-dose catnip, that would be pointless, I’m a human.  It’s that kind of thinking that makes me need a cat-editor in the first place.

Look at me.  My cat doesn’t edit a single post and the entire blog falls to shit.  I can’t even write one blog post without my cat fixing my blunders and making sense of it.  I guess I’ll never be a real writer.  Not until my cat is feeling better, that is.  Now you know the truth of how my sad little sausage is made.  I write barely-comprehendible garbage and my cat edits it down to something easily digestible, unlike whatever he’s currently throwing up on my rug.

So, I apologize for this blog post, hopefully my cat is feeling better soon and gets back to editing my long-winded dribble, so that I can return to publishing quality blog posts regularly.


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