[DOYLESTOWN, PA] As official investigators began pouring into Finny’s Pub, the scene of the crime involving Russian interference of the karaoke competition of August 23, one previously overlooked aspect of the investigation became clear: the prize itself. The beer cooler with attached bottle opener, the prize for winning the competition as you can see, is red, which some suggest to be subliminal Communist propaganda:
At first I thought that was just a coincidence, but then I did further research on the company which made the cooler, Giantex, a company located in Italy. Though it would be more convenient for my narrative if the cooler was made in Russia, I’m still going to skew this as further evidence of Communist propaganda.
The most striking evidence was discovered while researching the advertising efforts of Red Stripe, the company which sponsored the karaoke competition. This official ad for the company is truly damning evidence.
Though my legal authority does not extend to Jamaica, where the beer company is located (nor do I have any legal authority whatsoever), I have officially indicted Desnoes & Geddes, the manufacture of Red Stripe, in meddling with Russia to sow discord in America, rig a karaoke competition, and spread Communist propaganda. The Italian company, Giantex, has also been indicted on similar charges related to the (red) beer cooler with attached bottle opener.
Though my indictments hold no legal weight, my case will continue for the foreseeable future. Clearly, the fact that Red Stripe has been indicted, Russia must be guilty.