Karaokegate Turns Out To Be Baseless Conspiracy Theory, Or Is It?

So, I know that I told everyone that the Russian government was responsible for rigging the karaoke competition of 2018 at Finny’s Pub in Doylestown, PA, and I was super convinced it was true, but it turned out to be a bunch of phony-bologna, you guys.  I have now won two karaoke competitions in a row, since my loss on that fateful day.  Which leads me to the conclusion that Russia was not involved in karaoke collusion, because why would they rig it in my favor?

Unless they knew I was onto their trail, here at THE BOUNDARY-BENDING BLOG, the only fucking news source covering this, now re-emerging, critically-important story.  The Russians knew I was reporting on their karaoke deception, so now they have rigged the process in my favor in hopes of shutting me up.  Well folks, I’m here to tell you that my integrity can’t be bought.  Well, I mean, at first I was here to tell you that it was all just gas because I won, but as soon as I typed the words, “Russia was not responsible,” I knew that couldn’t be true and there was a hidden angle to grasp at.  I just figured it out in real-time.

At first, the realization that Russia wasn’t responsible for rigging the 2016 competition made me somberly reflect that my loss was due to my own merits as a karaoke singer, which was too painful to address as a possibility.  But now, the prospect that I never truly won either of those karaoke competitions and that Russia was fixing it in my favor, makes me feel even worse.  It’s like, even when I win, I can never truly win.  All because of the discord sown by Russia, America’s most democratic process of karaoke competitions will never be safe.  Russia’s malice will not be satiated until we’re all karaoke communists!  I can’t believe I didn’t figure out their plan to buy my silence earlier.

Again, I did win a karaoke competition, this time I won a bike, and no this awesome bribe will not make me shill for the CIA’s #1 foreign adversary, so forget it, Vlady-boy.  I’ll gladly live through another full-blown Cold War for truth, democracy and most importantly, for karaoke!

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Trump Responds to Russian Indictments: “Fake News”

In a series of tweets, the Trump administration has responded to allegations that Donald Trump himself colluded with the Russian government and Jamaican beer company, Red Stripe, to rig fraudulent karaoke competitions across America.  First he called the allegations, “Fake News,” then he continued by lambasting the sources of the dossier surrounding Karaokegate.

In the tweet, President Trump claims that Red Stripe never gave him any information about karaoke competitions, and quickly deflects to his electoral opponent, as a strategy he often employs.  However, considering the context of the quote provided, one could conclude that Trump is defending his ties to Red Stripe, if only the information he received from Red Stripe and Russia had been through an intermediary.

The most troubling response to the dossier was when Trump specifically referenced The Boundary-Bending Blog as a purveyor of fake news and labelled this very blog, “the enemy of the people.”  Now that Trump has been caught red-handed working as a Russian operative to rig karaoke competitions across the nation, his only two strategies are to obfuscate and attack.

It’s unclear if Donald Trump is aware of the fact that my indictments are not legally binding, but at the very least, it’s pleasing to see that he is treating them as if they are, as I will continue to do until America’s faith in the democratic process of karaoke competitions is restored.

Mueller Indicts Russians Who Gave Trump $2 Billion Free Ad Time

[WASHINGTON, D.C.] – Robert Mueller announced more indictments on Russians responsible for Hillary losing the 2016 presidential election.  “We finally indicted those Russians who gave Trump $2 billion in free ad time on mainstream American television,” Mueller announced, before indicating that the FBI was preparing additional indictments for Russians responsible for Trump’s 2016 win.  “We will soon announce indictments on the Russians who prevented Hillary from campaigning in Michigan and Wisconsin, and from there, we will target the Russians who created the Electoral College,” which caused Hillary to lose the election, even though she won 3 million more votes than her opponent.  He suggested that from there, the FBI investigation of Russian meddling could go on to include: The Russians who forced Hillary to chose Tim Kaine as her VP, the Russians who kept private her transcripts to Wall Street, and even the Russians who rigged the Democratic Primary against Bernie Sanders.  “If we let these Russians get away with stealing our elections,” Mueller added with un-ironic certainty, “they will do it again in 2018 and again in 2020.”

Venezuela: A Lesson for the United States

CARACAS, VENEZUELA (Photo by Carlos Becerra/Anadolu Agency/Getty Images)

If you talk to a conservative about Socialism, they’re favorite strawman is to bring up the economic crisis in Venezuela and suggest that any amount of Socialism will plummet our economy into the same over-inflated mess.  But there is actually a way that the United States could face the same consequences being felt in Venezuela, and one of those ways is to stay on the same course we are currently on.

The reason Venezuela is having an economic crisis has nothing to do with the “ist” or “ism” attached to their economic model; it has to do with the fact that 96% of Venezuela’s exports and 40% of their GDP is petrol.  For a decades, Venezuela was one of the wealthiest countries in the region due to their massive reserves of petrol.  When the price of petrol drops, Venezuela’s economy will undoubtedly suffer.  Conservatives claim that if we adopt policies in America meant to serve the people, we will end up like Venezuela, but to compare their economy to the United State’s economy is where they will make their first mistake, because America’s economy is not reliant upon the price of petrol.

Their second mistake is to suggest that Venezuela is Socialist or Communist; 500 different U.S. corporations operate within Venezuela, so by definition, they are Capitalist.  Differentiating their petrol companies from American oil companies because they are “state-owned” is metaphorically slicing hairs.  In 2015 alone, the United States subsidized fossil fuels for a total of $600 billion.  Re-read that fact again a couple times and then tell me American fossil fuel companies are not “state-owned.”  America’s government is no less invested in its fossil fuel companies than Venezuela’s government is invested in theirs.

The reason that Venezuela has strong social protections is because they have five branches of government, as opposed to our three, one of which is the Citizen’s Branch; meaning that the people have more of a voice in which legislation is passed.  The consequence being that the state subsidizes products for their poorest citizens and takes a net loss, because they feel it’s worth it to take care of their most vulnerable citizens.  Of course, with that ideology (which comes from an inherently good place), comes more subsequent problems, such a black market for government-sold items, which become increasingly rare for those who need them.  But it should be emphasized, that this net loss suffered by the state has nothing to do with the current economic turmoil, which, again, has everything to do with the price of petrol dropping.

If conservatives were at all interested in understanding why the price of petrol is dropping, they might actually come closer to understanding the real reason why Venezuela’s economy is in crisis.  To do that, is to look at our own foreign and economic policies, in tandem to Saudi Arabia’s.  The main goal for Saudi Arabia is to create a global monopoly on oil by first destroying the markets of their main competitor’s, Russia and Iran.  Their strategy for doing so is to over-produce oil, so that the market is saturated and the price drops; their goal being that this price drop will hurt Russia and Iran.  At this point, the only countries that have actually been hurt by this change are those which rely on petrol for economic growth, such as Libya, Angola, Nigeria, and Venezuela.

So what is the real lesson the United States can learn from Venezuela, since we know the lesson is not that policies designed to help the poor will destroy our country.  To do that, we need to understand the other reason why the price of fossil fuels is dropping: The price of oil, as with any other commodity, is regulated through supply and demand. When there is an oil surplus, or a reduction in demand, the price will fall.  Saudi Arabia’s actions demonstrate what happens in an oil surplus, but what happens when there is a reduction of demand are very similar and the brunt impact of that could be faced by the United States.  This is what is called the “Carbon Bubble.”  (Hint: the word “Bubble” should be an indicator that it has potential to pop and cause havoc.)  Currently, China is leading the world in investments into renewable energy.  This trend will only increase around the world, as manufacturing renewable technology becomes cheaper than digging dinosaurs out of the ground.  Maybe now is a good time to revisit that number of $600 billion the United States taxpayers paid in 2015 to subsidize the fossil fuel industry.

We are investing billions of dollars of taxpayer money to subsidize pipelines sprawling across our country; trillions to secure global oil reserves for American corporations – what happens if we never see a return on that investment, because in 20 years the price of oil has halved because of China’s booming renewable industry.  The United States could be on the forefront of that new manufacturing industry, instead we are stuck in the past, digging in the dirt; trying to force everyone to watch VHS instead of leading the switch to DVD, or digital.  Right now there is a profit in ignoring the growing renewable market, but once that profit disappears, so will the investors, and so will a large portion of our economy.  Venezuela’s mistake was assuming petrol prices would remain high and our current mistake is the assumption that the price of fossil fuels will remain high.  With our current course of action, it is inevitable that the global demand of fossil fuels will continue to reduce until the Carbon Bubble pops, at which point, it will be far more accurate to compare the United States to Venezuela.

How to Convince People on the Internet That Your Opinion is Correct

When you’re scrolling through Facebook, often times you will stumble upon a comment in which someone is talking about their stupid political opinion.  There are many ways to tackle this situation, but if you actually want to convince them that they are wrong and you are right, there is a very specific set of instructions you must follow:

Step One: Listen to Their Position

And take notes of every stupid thing they say, you’ll need these notes later on.  This shouldn’t be hard since, at this point, you’re still just stalking the comment thread, waiting for the right moment to strike.  Now that you have thoughtfully considered their point of view, we can move on to Step Two.

Step Two: Call Them a Dumb Fuck.

On top of being a great icebreaker, calling someone a dumb fuck in the first sentence of your argument is sure to pacify and emasculate your opponent, publically humiliate them for their lack of knowledge, and put them in the perfect mind frame to accept a new worldview.

Step Three: Strawman Their Position

Don’t attack your opponent’s argument; that feeds into the illusion that their framing is correct.  Instead, build up an extreme version of their argument and attack that.  In most cases they will attempt to correct your strawman, but don’t back down, because best case scenario, they will accept your framing and argue from a weakened position.

Step Four: Stalk Their Facebook Page

Keep in mind weak points to attack.  Are they ugly, overweight, have no friends, or post stupid things to their wall?  These are all great options of weaknesses to take note of, but be creative!  Sometimes it’s more effective to take something they view to be a positive thing and turn it into a negative thing.

Step Five: Attack Their Weaknesses

You’ve stocked your arsenal, heard their stupid opinions, scoured their stupid page, called them a dumb fuck, and now you’re ready to dress down this silly human and attack every crevice of their existence.   The key to being successful in Step Five is to utilize every previous step: 1) maintain and build upon your strawman and continually reference it.  This keeps them on the defense.  2) point out how shitty their personal life is and link it to how stupid their opinion is. 3) call them a dumb fuck again.

Step Six: “Haha” React Their Comments

On each of your opponent’s comments, hover over the “Like” button and select the “Haha” reaction.  This will make it look like you are laughing at how stupid their point of view is.  At the very least this will make them feel self conscious and reconsider whether they did actually say something stupid (they did!).

Step Seven: Success

The biggest mistake newcomers make in this process is that they don’t know when to fold and bail from the comment thread.  Your opponent is too full of pride and ego to actually admit that you convinced them.  Leaving a conversation demonstrates that you are far too intellectual to continue speaking.  At this point, you’ve demonstrated how much smarter than them you are and sometimes, all it takes is a seed of knowledge to grow into a big stupid tree.  It may not happen now, it may not happen tomorrow, but rest easy knowing that if you followed this strategy to the T, your opponent will fully change and adopt your worldview.