“Home Movies” Spec Script – “Field of Creams” – Scene 4

EXT. SOCCER FIELD – DAY

Brendon walks to the field.

COACH MCGUIRK

Psst!  Over here!

Coach McGuirk is hiding behind the bleachers.  Brendon walks over to him.

BRENDON

Coach?  What are you doing back there?

COACH MCGUIRK

What are you doing, Brendon?  You were supposed to be here already.  You said you would help me coach.

BRENDON

Oh, that was today?

COACH MCGUIRK

Yes today!  I need to win a soccer game.  Today is the soccer game.  We need to win, Brendon.

BRENDON

Our team doesn’t look prepared.

COACH MCGUIRK

They’re not.

BRENDON

I mean it doesn’t even look like they’ve warmed up.

COACH MCGUIRK

They haven’t

BRENDON

Well why not?

COACH MCGUIRK

Because they’re waiting for you to get out there and coach them.

BRENDON

Okay fine, geez.

Brendon turns to leave.

COACH MCGUIRK

Oh and Brendon, don’t be upset if I try to take credit for you coaching.

BRENDON

Alright, fine.

COACH MCGUIRK

And don’t be upset if I take my shirt off.

BRENDON

Wait, what?

COACH MCGUIRK

Go, Brendon, get out there.

Brendon walks to the field and stands on the bench in front of his teammates.

BRENDON

Alright everyone, listen up!

MELISSA

What, Brendon?  We’re all right here, you don’t have to yell.

BRENDON

Sorry, I’ve just never done this before.

MELISSA

Done what?

BRENDON

Ahem, teammates, fellow patriots, are not all losers just winners waiting to win?

MELISSA

What are you doing, Brendon?

BRENDON

I’m giving an inspirational speech to help motivate you.

MELISSA

It isn’t working.

BRENDON

It’s not?

MELISSA

No.  You can’t just drone on in platitudes and expect it to affect anyone.  You have actually reach people in a way that affects their lives.

BRENDON

Okay, so how do I do that?

MELISSA

I don’t know, why don’t you think of things that motivate you to be a better person.

BRENDON

Hmmm.  Oh, I know!

Brendon runs back behind the bleachers.

COACH MCGUIRK

What are you doing over here, Brendon?  The team looks less prepared than before.

BRENDON

Just roll with it and come with me.

COACH MCGUIRK

Ugh, fine.

Brendon drags Coach McGuirk to the field and stands on the bench next to him.

BRENDON

Everyone, look at Coach McGuirk.

COACH MCGUIRK

This is stupid, Brendon.  I told you I don’t want to coach.

BRENDON

Look how pathetic he is.

COACH MCGUIRK

Wait, what?

BRENDON

Ask yourself, is Coach McGuirk the kind of person you want to be.  He’s like a six-foot Pillsbury Doughboy.

COACH MCGUIRK

It’s muscle, I swear.

BRENDON

He’s in and out of prison so much they probably think he works there.  What about you, Perry, do you want to grow up to be like Coach McGuirk?

PERRY

No way!

BRENDON

That’s right, no way!  He can eat an entire ham but he can’t spell the word.

COACH MCGUIRK

It’s two ‘M’s right?

BRENDON

If you want to be like Coach McGuirk you can just keep losing.  Everyone else, let me hear you!

The whole team cheers and gets ready to play.  Mandy walks over.

MANDY

Wow Coach, you really got them riled up.  That’s the Mini Michelin I know and love.  You had me worried there for a minute.

COACH MCGUIRK

That’s right, team, let’s get out there and show them what we’re made of!

Mandy walks away.

COACH MCGUIRK

God I hate my life.

FADE TO BLACK.

Continue to: “Field of Creams” – Scene 5

Advertisement

“Home Movies” Spec Script – “Field of Creams” – Scene 3

INT. BRENDON’S HOUSE – DAY

Brendon walks in and heads for the basement before he hears a sound a follows it up the stairs.

VOICE

Oh my God!  Oh my God!

INT. PAULA’S ROOM – DAY

Brendon opens the door.

BRENDON

Mom?

PAULA

Oh my God, Brendon, how many times have I told you to knock?

Covered in sheets, Paula jumps out of bed to the closet and starts throwing on clothes.

BRENDON

Mom!  What are you doing?

PAULA

Leave and close the door, Brendon.  Why are you still in here?

BRENDON

Who is that?

TONY

Hey kid, I’m Tony.

Tony is sitting in bed, a blanket covering his lower half.

PAULA

Christ, Tony, why are you talking to my son naked?

TONY

He needs to learn the truth, Paula.

PAULA

Why?

BRENDON

What is happening?

TONY

Brendon, I’m in love with your mother.

PAULA

Really?  You decide to say that now?

BRENDON

I’m so confused.

TONY

I know you’re probably feeling a lot of strange emotions right now.

PAULA

Oh my God, why are you still talking to my son naked?

TONY

Honestly Paula, I just met your kid and I thought he could handle it.

PAULA

Look at him, he clearly can’t.

TONY

I can see that now.

Paula returns fully clothed and kneels down to comfort Brendon.  Tony puts on a shirt.

PAULA

What is it, Brendon?  Are you okay?

BRENDON

No mom, I’m not okay.

TONY

I’m sorry, Brendon, you’ll probably be confused for the rest of your life.

BRENDON

I hate to disappoint you, but this is not the most scarring thing I’ve seen today.

PAULA AND TONY

It’s not?

BRENDON

Mom, have you ever met Steve?

PAULA

Steve?  You can’t possibly mean Steven McGuirk?

BRENDON

Wait, you’ve met him?

PAULA

Met him?  I was his girlfriend for two months in senior year.  The best two months of my life.

Tony now fully clothed gets out of bed.

TONY

Wait, who is this Steve?

PAULA

Only the most popular guy in school.

TONY

Should I feel threatened right now?

PAULA

Don’t worry, he broke up with me.  I never really had a chance with him.  Those looks and that intellect.

TONY

You just told me not to be worried.  Now I’m worried.

BRENDON

Did I ever have a Steve?

PAULA

Oh sweetie, you know I tell you you’re special all the time, but you’re not that special.

BRENDON

Gee, thanks, mom.

PAULA

Steve is a miracle and an accomplished author and the singular inspiration of my life.

TONY

I’m not feeling any less insecure over here.

BRENDON

Wow, he’s an author, too?

PAULA

He had a full scholarship to Harvard while I only got into state school, where I settled for your father.  I’m sure he wouldn’t even remember me.

BRENDON

Well I hope it’s not weird that I’m making a documentary about him.

PAULA

Wait, Steven is back in town?  I thought he had a loft in Manhattan.

BRENDON

Yeah, I guess he’s staying with Coach or something.

PAULA

Oh, wow.  Do you need a ride over there, Brendon?  How does my hair look?

TONY

I just said I love you.  Does that mean nothing to you?

BRENDON

No, mom.

PAULA

Where does your coach live again, it couldn’t hurt to say hello to an old friend.

TONY

Oh, so is that who you were thinking about when you wouldn’t look at me?

BRENDON

Mom, I learned a lot today about what grown-ups like to do, but I’m not going to help you do those things with more grown-ups.

PAULA

Got it.

Brendon walks out.

TONY

That kid is going to be messed up for life.

PAULA

I know.

TONY

I mean sexually.

PAULA

Oh God, I know.

TONY

Like whips and chains and probably some mommy diaper stuff.

PAULA

I think you should leave.

TONY

Yeah, okay.

FADE TO BLACK.

Continue to: “Field of Creams” – Scene 4

Manafort Karaoke Deal Increases Impeachment Pressure on Trump

Donald Trump trying to deny his involvement in fraudulent karaoke competitions.

Paul Manafort, Donald Trump’s former campaign chairman, has agreed to cooperate with Robert Mueller’s inquiry into Russian interference of countless karaoke competitions across the nation, a move that has escalated speculation of impeachment in Washington.

Manafort pleaded guilty to two criminal charges on Friday morning and struck a plea deal agreeing to assist special counsel Robert Mueller’s inquiry into Russian interference in thousands of karaoke competitions across the nation since 2016, including the karaoke competition at Finny’s Pub in Doylestown, PA on August 23^rd, 2018.  The plea agreement set out how Manafort must turn over documents and brief officials about “his participation in and knowledge of all criminal karaoke activities”.

The Sunday politics shows were duly dominated by talk of growing peril for Trump following Manafort’s dramatic moment in court.

Adam Schiff, the leading Democrat on the House intelligence committee, told NBC’s Meet the Press: “Manafort is at the confluence of a number of pernicious interests. You’ve got the president working with a Jamaican beer company to set up fraudulent karaoke competitions, you’ve got the president himself aspiring to be karaoke king.

“You’ve got Manafort trying to transfer money from this Russian oligarch to Red Stripe … you have the Russians who want to have a relationship with the Trump campaign, they want to help Trump achieve his karaoke dreams. All those interests converge with Paul Manafort, so basically we want to know what can Manafort tell us about whether any of that was consummated.

“He’s trying to win at karaoke, they’re trying to rig competitions, the Russians are trying to help Trump. Was there a meeting of the minds? That goes to the heart of the collusion or conspiracy issue.”

Schiff added: “Manafort is a key person to help us unwind whether this was the most improbable string of unlikely karaoke coincidences or whether this was an active karaoke conspiracy.”

Adam Schiff is the senior Democrat sniffing out karaoke crimes.

Trump defended himself, tweeting on Sunday morning: “The illegal Mueller Witch Hunt continues in search of a karaoke crime. There was never Collusion with Russia or Red Stripe, Hillary Clinton rigged those Karaoke Competitions, so the 17 Angry Democrats are looking at anything they can find. Very unfair and BAD for karaoke. ALSO, not allowed under the LAW!”

Ken Starr, the special prosecutor whose investigation of the Monica Lewinsky affair 20 years ago led to the unsuccessful impeachment of Bill Clinton, said on CNN’s State of the Union: “The Trump White House and the lawyers are taking a page from the Clinton playbook. Attack the prosecutor.”

He said the real significance of Manafort’s move was “we are much closer to getting the truth than we were before this plea”, calling it “terrific for the investigation and frankly the American people’s faith in karaoke competitions.”

Starr, who has just published a book about the investigation of Clinton, said Trump would be unwise to give Manafort a pardon. Asked if impeachment should happen, he said: “I hope not, because one of the lessons in the book is impeachment is hell. The country should not be taken through that just because someone lost a karaoke contest.

“The founding generation wisely knew that it was such a serious act that it would require a two-thirds majority in the Senate. Unless there is a growing national consensus that karaoke competitions should be a trusted pillar of American Democracy, then perhaps impeachment is doomed to fail and it’s just the wrong way to go.”

A CNN poll last week showed eight in 10 Democratic voters think Trump should be impeached immediately and, across the board, voters approve of handling of the investigation into Russian karaoke meddling.

The Alabama Democratic senator Doug Jones told CNN: “Clearly you have people close to the president of the United States who have committed crimes and that, in and of itself, is a problem. But rigging a karaoke competition is not necessarily an impeachable offence.”

Jones, fighting to hold a seat in deep Trump country, cautioned that any judgment on whether to proceed with impeachment must wait until Mueller completes his karaoke investigation.

“Just because we’ve seen people that surround the president have gone forward [to prosecution for karaoke-related crimes] doesn’t mean there should be impeachment hearings, not by any stretch,” he said. “Once we see the reports we’ll have to weigh those reports on their own to find out who really rigged that karaoke competition.”

Tell me what you know, you commie karaoke conspirator.

Cory Booker Releases Kavanaugh Documents Amid Karaoke Confrontation

Senate confirmation hearings for Donald Trump’s nominee for the supreme court descended into chaos on Thursday, as Cory Booker sparred with the nominee about Russian karaoke meddling.  Kavanaugh remained obstinate throughout his questioning, before Booker decided to release confidential documents, fully aware of the consequences entailed.

Kavanaugh refused to say whether a sitting president must respond to a fictitious subpoena related to fraudulent karaoke competitions – not an academic issue in the age of Trump.  He declined to agree to Democratic calls for him to recuse himself from any cases related to the Russian karaoke investigation.  And he would not say where he would come down on censoring fake news related to Russian karaoke meddling.

New Jersey Democrat Cory Booker said he was ready to risk expulsion from the Senate for making public documents pertinent to Kavanaugh’s personal experience in karaoke competitions.  The confidential email Booker provided, is damning evidence, to say the least.

The email, dated July 29th, 2002, clearly details that Kavanaugh and several other associates met at a karaoke bar in Washington D.C. on more than one occasion.  Amid Donald Trump’s own karaoke-rigging indictments, Democrats have concluded that Kavanaugh has similar motivations to rig fraudulent karaoke competitions across the nation, which is why Trump hand-picked him to be the nominee.

Republicans are now scrambling to deny any personal karaoke aspirations to separate themselves from Trump and his administration, and to maintain a sense of unity in order to secure a confirmation of their nominee.  Mitch McConnell has insisted that he never in his life “ever dreamed of participating in a karaoke event.”  Just based on the look of him, I believe he’s telling the truth — not everyone is born for the karaoke stage.

Bombshell New Info in Trump, Russia Karaoke Meddling Case

As official investigators have been searching for clues into the motivations of Trump, Russia, and Red Stripe (among several others) regarding the rigging of fraudulent karaoke competitions across America, one pertinent clue has recently come to light.  While the motivation of Russia is clearly to sow discord, Trump’s motivations appear to be far more corrupt.

New evidence suggests that Trump himself holds unfulfilled aspirations to win a karaoke competition.  This blurry cellphone snapshot was supposedly taken of Trump during a karaoke competition.

Why does the Manchurian Candidate sing?

The witness and source of the photo, who wished to remain anonymous, claimed that the photo was taken in 2015 and that Trump was singing “My Humps” by The Black Eyed Peas.  The source suggested that Donald Trump was so devastated after losing the karaoke competition, that he changed his karaoke aspirations to become President of the United States to make it so that no one could ever win a karaoke competition ever again.

The implications of this most recent revelation are sickening: Trump sold the integrity of America’s democratic institutions to Russia for his own selfish means. While Putin’s motivation is far more obvious, to sow discord in America, Trump’s motivation is deeply personal and Putin was wise enough to take advantage of Trump’s weaknesses.

At this point, anyone who denies the truth that Trump and Russia conspired with Red Stripe to rig karaoke competitions is either a witting or unwitting puppet of Putin.  For the rest of you patriots keeping a close eye on Karaokegate, if you’re unsure of where it could possibly go from here, worry not.  Like Rachel Maddow fifteen minutes into her show, I have only just begun frothing-at-the-mouth over Russia.

In Wake of Karaokegate, Facebook Must Ban Fake News

In the aftermath of Karaokegate, in which Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Red Stripe conspired to rig karaoke competitions across America, Donald Trump and his goons are spreading Fake News to suggest no connection between Trump, Putin, and the karaoke competition of August 23rd, 2018.  At this moment, every self-respecting journalist should be calling on Facebook, Google, and other Silicon Valley oligarchs to censor all Fake News that defies the narrative of Karaokegate.

Russia has compromised the President of the United States and now media outlets are working as the unwitting propaganda arm of Putin by supporting Trump in his crusade to rig every karaoke competition in America.  If Trump and Putin were not guilty (and potentially engaged in a homosexual relationship), why would they be fighting these charges against them so ruthlessly?  I have placed indictments on all parties involved, so why do they not want the truth to come out in court?  How many stolen karaoke competitions is the Trump administration hiding from us?

The last thing we need at a time like this, is multiple perspectives on a complex issue.  If you’re critical of the Karaokegate narrative, you’re banned from the internet!  If you have a problem with that, you can go cry to your buddy Putin, maybe he’ll give you magical Communist unicorns filled with Wi-Fi and free-healthcare, you commie traitor.

I trust that guy to censor Fake News about Russian karaoke meddling.

Trump Responds to Russian Indictments: “Fake News”

In a series of tweets, the Trump administration has responded to allegations that Donald Trump himself colluded with the Russian government and Jamaican beer company, Red Stripe, to rig fraudulent karaoke competitions across America.  First he called the allegations, “Fake News,” then he continued by lambasting the sources of the dossier surrounding Karaokegate.

In the tweet, President Trump claims that Red Stripe never gave him any information about karaoke competitions, and quickly deflects to his electoral opponent, as a strategy he often employs.  However, considering the context of the quote provided, one could conclude that Trump is defending his ties to Red Stripe, if only the information he received from Red Stripe and Russia had been through an intermediary.

The most troubling response to the dossier was when Trump specifically referenced The Boundary-Bending Blog as a purveyor of fake news and labelled this very blog, “the enemy of the people.”  Now that Trump has been caught red-handed working as a Russian operative to rig karaoke competitions across the nation, his only two strategies are to obfuscate and attack.

It’s unclear if Donald Trump is aware of the fact that my indictments are not legally binding, but at the very least, it’s pleasing to see that he is treating them as if they are, as I will continue to do until America’s faith in the democratic process of karaoke competitions is restored.

[BREAKING] Trump Officially Indicted In Russian Meddling of Karaoke Competition

[WASHINGTON, D.C.]  Just minutes after Jamaican beer company, Red Stripe, was indicted for colluding with the Russian government to rig the karaoke competition of August 23rd, investigators began digging even deeper for clues to the mastermind Russian plot to undermine America’s faith in karaoke competitions.  However, none of us expected the investigation to go this deep.

Several figures within the Trump administration, including Donald Trump himself, have officially been indicted for conspiring with the Russians to sow discord in America, including, but not limited to, the rigging of a fraudulent karaoke competition, which took place on August 23rd, 2018 at Finny’s Pub in Doylestown, PA.

The evidence to support this most recent indictment is quite striking, considering it was right under our nose the entire time.  Clearly, Donald Trump has been working with Red Stripe, the sponsor of the karaoke competition, and the Russian government to rig karaoke competitions all over America.

Dun, dun, dun!

In the midst of this mind-blowing revelation, Karaokegate has officially been declared.  This photo is incriminating evidence that one of America’s most trusted democratic institutions, the karaoke competition, has been tainted by the President himself, who is working as a Russian operative.  Discord is officially sowed.  Even more unsettling is the expression of the man standing behind Putin.  That furrowed brow carries the weight of a thousand stolen karaoke competitions.

What does he know about karaoke meddling?

For good measure, I’m indicting that guy too.  It’s time to get to the bottom of this.  As previously mentioned, my indictments are not legally binding, but I will continue to treat them as if they are.  Now that the President of the United States has officially been indicted, Russia is without-a-shadow-of-a-doubt guilty of interfering in at least one karaoke competition, though my suspicion is that this operation spans over thousands of karaoke competitions across the country.

For more information about Russian karaoke meddling, don’t miss my tell-all book, What Happened At the Karaoke Competition?

What Happened At the Karaoke Competition?

I remember the feeling I had when I first learned that Russia had interfered in the karaoke competition, which I had so desired to win, like it was yesterday.  Because it was announced just yesterday.  But the more-than-a-week leading up to that moment was filled with trials and tribulations, which I had to come to terms with.

In the very moment that I lost the karaoke competition, I knew there was foul play afoot.  It was as if the entire bar asked at once, “Sam who?”  Even the karaoke DJ reaffirmed my suspicions of prejudice from the judges, though his ramblings about Russian accents in that moment didn’t register with me, because truthfully, I was hurt.

It’s not that I wanted the beer cooler with attached bottle opener.  Hell, I would have just given them the beer cooler if they really wanted it.  I just wanted to be number one at karaoke.  I mean, all the signs pointed to me winning, so you can imagine I was pretty devastated.  You see, this is now my third-consecutive time placing second in a karaoke competition.  These competitions only come around a few times a year, and I’ve been practicing songs almost every Thursday night, when Finny’s Pub hosts karaoke night.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m going to keep practicing and trying to earn that “number one at karaoke” title, which I so deserve.

Most of the week after losing the karaoke competition, I spent hiking in the dense woods of Pennsylvania.  I camped and backpacked when I had to, but mostly I just walked.  I felt like I had lost touch with reality and needed to realign myself.  I tried singing the songs I had sung the night of the competition, but I began to feel a sense of loathing toward those songs; I felt so naïve in thinking that song selection could win a karaoke competition.

By the end of the week, I had reintroduced myself into normal society and was ready to return to the karaoke stage.  My unnamed source inside Finny’s Pub continued to claim he had information about interference in the karaoke competition and what I immediately found strange was that the word Russia kept coming up.  Part of me wanted so badly for it to be true that I wasn’t responsible for my own loss, but addressed it with a grain of skepticism.  Within the next few hours, as the evidence began to pile up, I launched a full-throttle investigation into the potential of Russian interference in the karaoke competition.

That investigation continues and more and more revelations pour in everyday.  This is just the tip of the iceberg.  You can read all about my personal accounts of Russian meddling in my upcoming tell-all book, What Happened At the Karaoke Competition?

[BREAKING]: Red Stripe, Giantex Officially Indicted On Russian Meddling

[DOYLESTOWN, PA]  As official investigators began pouring into Finny’s Pub, the scene of the crime involving Russian interference of the karaoke competition of August 23, one previously overlooked aspect of the investigation became clear: the prize itself.  The beer cooler with attached bottle opener, the prize for winning the competition as you can see, is red, which some suggest to be subliminal Communist propaganda:

Seizing the means of beer consumption.

At first I thought that was just a coincidence, but then I did further research on the company which made the cooler, Giantex, a company located in Italy.  Though it would be more convenient for my narrative if the cooler was made in Russia, I’m still going to skew this as further evidence of Communist propaganda.

The most striking evidence was discovered while researching the advertising efforts of Red Stripe, the company which sponsored the karaoke competition.  This official ad for the company is truly damning evidence.

Communist propaganda in a beer ad, you guys.

Though my legal authority does not extend to Jamaica, where the beer company is located (nor do I have any legal authority whatsoever), I have officially indicted Desnoes & Geddes, the manufacture of Red Stripe, in meddling with Russia to sow discord in America, rig a karaoke competition, and spread Communist propaganda.  The Italian company, Giantex, has also been indicted on similar charges related to the (red) beer cooler with attached bottle opener.

Though my indictments hold no legal weight, my case will continue for the foreseeable future. Clearly, the fact that Red Stripe has been indicted, Russia must be guilty.