INT. COACH MCGUIRK’S GARAGE – DAY
Brendon walks in and sees Steve and Jamal.
BRENDON
Oh, hello there.
JAMAL
Oh, hi! I’m Jamal, Steve’s caretaker and assistant.
BRENDON
Oh wow, really? I should probably interview you for my documentary.
INT. COACH MCGUIRK’S GARAGE – DAY
The shot is set up confessional style, Jamal seated.
JAMAL
I’ve been working with Steve since his first novel and I’ve been on this crazy journey ever since. It’s a pretty big change for Steve to visit his brother, but he was adamant that John attend his wedding.
BRENDON
Wait, Steve’s getting married? Coach never told me that.
JAMAL
There was always a contentious sibling rivalry between John and Steve. Steve really goes into detail about in his first autobiography titled, Is That A Pickle In That Jar?
BRENDON
Are you serious? I have to read this.
JAMAL
Steve actually has a great sense of humor about his condition, which provides a unique perspective on dealing with hardship.
BRENDON
What do you think about his brother, John?
JAMAL
Well, I know that John struggled to maintain his weight, a job, a relationship. It’s all kind of a sad tale, but given his brother lives in a jar, it’s easy to keep it in perspective.
Coach McGuirk barges in.
COACH MCGUIRK
Hey, I heard that! You know, I’ve been dealing with people like you my whole life. I wish I lived in a jar! It would protect me from all of you and I’d have healthcare!
Coach McGuirk walks up to Steve.
COACH MCGUIRK
How could you do this to me Steve? How could you call mom and dad behind my back?
Steve beeps a few times.
COACH MCGUIRK
Oh, get off your high horse, Steve. You were always the favorite child and you know it!
Steve beeps a few more times.
COACH MCGUIRK
Oh, it’s so easy for you, isn’t it, Steve? Your jar is on the outside so nothing can touch you, but my jar is in here.
Coach McGuirk points to his chest.
COACH MCGUIRK
My jar is deep under the surface and all my emotions are bottled up inside and no one can get in.
JAMAL
How much glass did you eat at the textiles factory? A whole jar? God damn!
COACH MCGUIRK
Oh, what did you tell people about me, Steve?
JAMAL
He’s written five novels, John. Have you never read your brother’s work?
COACH MCGUIRK
What I was actually supposed to read it? I thought just saying you read something and that it was great was the polite thing to do. That’s what I would have wanted.
Jamal hands a book to Coach McGuirk.
JAMAL
Here, take a look for yourself.
Coach McGuirk opens the book.
COACH MCGUIRK
Per – pre – prek…
Jamal reads over Coach McGuirks shoulder.
JAMAL
Precipitation.
COACH MCGUIRK
You read it!
Coach McGuirk gives the book back to Jamal and he reads from it.
JAMAL
Precipitation began to form on the inside of all the car windows, like a salty sauna. My brother John was radiating sweat from terror, as they drove him back to the factory, the worst of which I was spared, given my jar was all fogged up from his panic. All I could do was beep. So I just kept beeping.
COACH MCGUIRK
Okay, stop reading! What part of I’m moving to a new town and repressing the last forty years do you not understand, Steve?
Steve beeps a few times.
COACH MCGUIRK
I know that, Steve, I really appreciate you’re getting married before me, but could your wedding not destroy my life? I finally have something good going for myself here.
Coach McGuirk starts crying.
COACH MCGUIRK
We’re the same, Steve. We’re both writers and we both have women in our lives who we’re in love with. You can’t ruin this for me!
There’s a knock at the door.
COACH MCGUIRK
Oh, no, that’s them, I know it!
BRENDON
Coach, you know I’m filming all of this, right? You’re really embarrassing yourself.
JAMAL
Yeah, John, relax. They shouldn’t be here yet.
Brendon leaves the room to check the door, sees CLARA at the door and then goes back to the garage.
BRENDON
Actually, Coach, I think it’s your girlfriend.
COACH MCGUIRK
No, she can’t see me like this.
BRENDON
Well, she’s standing at the door, so what should I do? I can shoo her off for you after I get her to sign a waiver.
COACH MCGUIRK
Sign a waiver, what are you talking about?
BRENDON
Well, yeah, so she can be in my documentary.
COACH MCGUIRK
Forget it with the documentary!
BRENDON
I’m liable to legal action if I show her face without permission!
COACH MCGUIRK
Well then blur it out or something!
BRENDON
That would infringe the integrity of my documentary!
COACH MCGUIRK
She was only in it for a second!
There’s a knock again at the door.
COACH MCGUIRK
Forget it, I’ll answer.
INT. COACH MCGUIRK’S KITCHEN – DAY
Coach McGuirk opens the door. Brendon follows with the camera.
CLARA
Darling! I’m so excited for today!
COACH MCGUIRK
Clara, the love of my life, what are you doing here? And why are you so dressed up.
CLARA
I’m here for the wedding, silly.
COACH MCGUIRK
Wedding? That’s today?
CLARA
Yeah, Jamal called and told me, I assumed you knew.
COACH MCGUIRK
Jamal? Why didn’t you tell me?
JAMAL
Steve said we had to spring it on you all at once. He knew you’d try to flee if you knew in advance.
COACH MCGUIRK
Steve!?
JAMAL
Here’s your suit, John, go put it on and everything will be okay.
Jamal hands Coach McGuirk an over-sized suit.
COACH MCGUIRK
Is it even tailored to my size?
JAMAL
I just got the largest possible option for everything, it should be fine.
CLARA
Yeah, babe, it’s your brother’s wedding, it’s going to be beautiful.
COACH MCGUIRK
Okay. I’m fine. This is fine. Everything happening here is completely normal. I’m not going to climb out the window. This is great.
Steve beeps twice.
JAMAL
Great.
FADE TO BLACK.
James P. W. Martin 