INT. BRENDON’S HOUSE – DAY
Brendon walks in and heads for the basement before he hears a sound a follows it up the stairs.
VOICE
Oh my God! Oh my God!
INT. PAULA’S ROOM – DAY
Brendon opens the door.
BRENDON
Mom?
PAULA
Oh my God, Brendon, how many times have I told you to knock?
Covered in sheets, Paula jumps out of bed to the closet and starts throwing on clothes.
BRENDON
Mom! What are you doing?
PAULA
Leave and close the door, Brendon. Why are you still in here?
BRENDON
Who is that?
TONY
Hey kid, I’m Tony.
Tony is sitting in bed, a blanket covering his lower half.
PAULA
Christ, Tony, why are you talking to my son naked?
TONY
He needs to learn the truth, Paula.
PAULA
Why?
BRENDON
What is happening?
TONY
Brendon, I’m in love with your mother.
PAULA
Really? You decide to say that now?
BRENDON
I’m so confused.
TONY
I know you’re probably feeling a lot of strange emotions right now.
PAULA
Oh my God, why are you still talking to my son naked?
TONY
Honestly Paula, I just met your kid and I thought he could handle it.
PAULA
Look at him, he clearly can’t.
TONY
I can see that now.
Paula returns fully clothed and kneels down to comfort Brendon. Tony puts on a shirt.
PAULA
What is it, Brendon? Are you okay?
BRENDON
No mom, I’m not okay.
TONY
I’m sorry, Brendon, you’ll probably be confused for the rest of your life.
BRENDON
I hate to disappoint you, but this is not the most scarring thing I’ve seen today.
PAULA AND TONY
It’s not?
BRENDON
Mom, have you ever met Steve?
PAULA
Steve? You can’t possibly mean Steven McGuirk?
BRENDON
Wait, you’ve met him?
PAULA
Met him? I was his girlfriend for two months in senior year. The best two months of my life.
Tony now fully clothed gets out of bed.
TONY
Wait, who is this Steve?
PAULA
Only the most popular guy in school.
TONY
Should I feel threatened right now?
PAULA
Don’t worry, he broke up with me. I never really had a chance with him. Those looks and that intellect.
TONY
You just told me not to be worried. Now I’m worried.
BRENDON
Did I ever have a Steve?
PAULA
Oh sweetie, you know I tell you you’re special all the time, but you’re not that special.
BRENDON
Gee, thanks, mom.
PAULA
Steve is a miracle and an accomplished author and the singular inspiration of my life.
TONY
I’m not feeling any less insecure over here.
BRENDON
Wow, he’s an author, too?
PAULA
He had a full scholarship to Harvard while I only got into state school, where I settled for your father. I’m sure he wouldn’t even remember me.
BRENDON
Well I hope it’s not weird that I’m making a documentary about him.
PAULA
Wait, Steven is back in town? I thought he had a loft in Manhattan.
BRENDON
Yeah, I guess he’s staying with Coach or something.
PAULA
Oh, wow. Do you need a ride over there, Brendon? How does my hair look?
TONY
I just said I love you. Does that mean nothing to you?
BRENDON
No, mom.
PAULA
Where does your coach live again, it couldn’t hurt to say hello to an old friend.
TONY
Oh, so is that who you were thinking about when you wouldn’t look at me?
BRENDON
Mom, I learned a lot today about what grown-ups like to do, but I’m not going to help you do those things with more grown-ups.
PAULA
Got it.
Brendon walks out.
TONY
That kid is going to be messed up for life.
PAULA
I know.
TONY
I mean sexually.
PAULA
Oh God, I know.
TONY
Like whips and chains and probably some mommy diaper stuff.
PAULA
I think you should leave.
TONY
Yeah, okay.
FADE TO BLACK.
James P. W. Martin 