As official investigators have been searching for clues into the motivations of Trump, Russia, and Red Stripe (among several others) regarding the rigging of fraudulent karaoke competitions across America, one pertinent clue has recently come to light. While the motivation of Russia is clearly to sow discord, Trump’s motivations appear to be far more corrupt.
New evidence suggests that Trump himself holds unfulfilled aspirations to win a karaoke competition. This blurry cellphone snapshot was supposedly taken of Trump during a karaoke competition.
The witness and source of the photo, who wished to remain anonymous, claimed that the photo was taken in 2015 and that Trump was singing “My Humps” by The Black Eyed Peas. The source suggested that Donald Trump was so devastated after losing the karaoke competition, that he changed his karaoke aspirations to become President of the United States to make it so that no one could ever win a karaoke competition ever again.
The implications of this most recent revelation are sickening: Trump sold the integrity of America’s democratic institutions to Russia for his own selfish means. While Putin’s motivation is far more obvious, to sow discord in America, Trump’s motivation is deeply personal and Putin was wise enough to take advantage of Trump’s weaknesses.
At this point, anyone who denies the truth that Trump and Russia conspired with Red Stripe to rig karaoke competitions is either a witting or unwitting puppet of Putin. For the rest of you patriots keeping a close eye on Karaokegate, if you’re unsure of where it could possibly go from here, worry not. Like Rachel Maddow fifteen minutes into her show, I have only just begun frothing-at-the-mouth over Russia.