EXT. SOCCER FIELD – DAY
Brendon walks up to the bench where Coach McGuirk is sitting.
COACH MCGUIRK
Brendon, I’m glad you’re here. Listen, buddy, I need your help on something – and you know what, all your little friends can help out, too.
BRENDON
You’re not going to make us put lotion on your varicose veins again, are you?
COACH MCGUIRK
No, Brendon, this is serious. I have a girlfriend now. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life and it’s killing me inside, because soon Clara’s going to figure out that I’m not a real writer.
BRENDON
But didn’t you write that submission to the writer’s group?
COACH MCGUIRK
I did, Brendon, and it wore me out. I’m like that chick who toured with The Rolling Stones and then afterward, her voice didn’t work anymore. I’m spent, Brendon. I’m a fraud.
BRENDON
So what do you want me to do?
COACH MCGUIRK
You’re a creative. Your brain is still young and ambitious with the imagination that only comes from being really small; like the smile of a child, or something.
BRENDON
Coach, what are you talking about?
COACH MCGUIRK
You see? I can’t even form sentences anymore, my brain is cooked. I need you to finish my novel, so I can submit it to the writer’s group, so Clara won’t dump me.
BRENDON
No, I don’t care if Clara dumps you.
COACH MCGUIRK
Please, Brendon, I hate writing so much. I can’t do it anymore.
BRENDON
I hate writing even more. Just ask Mr. Lynch how I do in English.
COACH MCGUIRK
I don’t need to talk to that guy. I’ve seen your movie collection, Brendon. You write scripts all the time. You’ve written more in your short life than I’ve ever written in mine.
BRENDON
I’m in the fourth grade.
COACH MCGUIRK
I’m going to tell you something you might not know about me, Brendon. I dropped out of school in fourth grade, so my writing level is probably on par with yours. You could just finish where I left off and no one will know the difference.
BRENDON
Why did you drop out of school?
COACH MCGUIRK
My father was an alcoholic and couldn’t hold down a job. He was abusive and made me drop out to work in a textiles factory.
BRENDON
In the fourth grade?
COACH MCGUIRK
Luckily, I’ve always been freakishly large, so no one knew I was only thirteen.
BRENDON
You were thirteen in fourth grade?
COACH MCGUIRK
Cut me some slack, Brendon, I need your help on this. I have the spirit and testosterone of James Bond, in the body of Jabba the Hutt, with the intellect of a fourth grader. Have the pity on me my father never had.
BRENDON
I really don’t want to. I already have too much homework.
COACH MCGUIRK
I’ll pay you.
BRENDON
How much?
COACH MCGUIRK
I have a whole stack of 20%-off coupons to Bogurt’s Frozen Yogurt. That’s all I can afford right now.
BRENDON
I hate frozen yogurt. It’s like, hey, yogurt, have you ever heard of ice cream? It’s only better in every way.
COACH MCGUIRK
Fine, twenty dollars.
BRENDON
Sold! But I’m not splitting it with Jason and Melissa. You’ll have to bribe them separately.
COACH MCGUIRK
I’m already regretting this.
FADE TO BLACK.
James P. W. Martin 