INT. MEETING ROOM – NIGHT
Coach McGuirk opens the door and walks in. Three other men sit at the table in the room.
COACH MCGUIRK
Is this the writer’s group?
DEVIN
Yup, this is the Super Fun Writer’s Club!
COACH MCGUIRK
That’s what you call it?
DEVIN
What’s wrong with the name?
COACH MCGUIRK
Well, writing isn’t fun or super, so everything. What about The Honey Pot-tential Authors? That’s more relevant, huh?
DEVIN
What are you talking about?
COACH MCGUIRK
I guess you wouldn’t get it. Hey, I was expecting a female to be here, her name is Clara.
DEVIN
Clara isn’t here yet, but I’m Devin, and this is Greg and Mark. And you are?
COACH MCGUIRK
I’m John McGuirk.
GREG
John McGuirk? So you named the main character after yourself, huh?
Greg and Mark laugh. Coach McGuirk sits down.
COACH MCGUIRK
Um.
DEVIN
Alright guys, we haven’t started the review yet. First, some ground rules. Rule number one, you’re not allowed to speak while the group reviews you. Rule number two is have fun.
COACH MCGUIRK
Oh Jesus Christ.
DEVIN
And I’m a stickler for the rules, John. So, let’s get started on your piece. Greg, what did you think of John’s piece titled, Moby McGuirk?
GREG
I just have a question real quick. Were you aiming for a crappier version of Moby Dick or is that just what you landed on?
COACH MCGUIRK
What kind of question is that?
GREG
Look, I just mean-
COACH MCGUIRK
You’re lucky Clara isn’t here yet, buddy. If you talk to me like that when she’s here-
DEVIN
John, you can’t speak.
COACH MCGUIRK
I will follow you to your car, stalk you home, watch you for a few days or a week, until I figure out what you love most, by the looks of you, probably a cat.
GREG
Mr. Pickles.
DEVIN
John, I just want to remind you that you can’t speak during the review.
COACH MCGUIRK
He asked me a question. So, yeah, don’t make me finish that sentence when — Clara you’re here!
Clara walks into the room and sits down.
CLARA
Sorry I’m late. I’m so glad you could make it, John.
GREG
So glad. We were just reviewing his novel.
COACH MCGUIRK
Let’s hear what the lady has to say, okay buddy, you had your chance.
DEVIN
John, remember, you can’t speak.
COACH MCGUIRK
I got it.
CLARA
Well at first, when I was reading it, I was confused.
GREG
See, that’s what I’m saying.
CLARA
But then I realized the genius behind it, how all great artists steal, and you have weaved the artists in your life into a beautiful mesh of raw passion.
Coach McGuirk and Clara move closer to each other.
COACH MCGUIRK
What else do you like about it, baby?
DEVIN
John, I want to remind you that-
COACH MCGUIRK
I heard you! Can it already!
CLARA
When Double Agent John McGuirk erupts out of the marshmallow volcano, my breath was taken.
COACH MCGUIRK
I knew you’d like that.
CLARA
And I realized that whoever wrote this manuscript should be the father of my children.
GREG
Come again?
COACH MCGUIRK
Did you?
CLARA
And again.
COACH MCGUIRK
Kiss me.
Coach McGuirk and Clara start making out.
DEVIN
John, I just want to remind you that you’re not allowed to talk.
Coach McGuirk and Clara ignore him and keep making out.
DEVIN
John? Clara? Well what did everyone else think?
GREG
I honestly thought it was written by a fourth grader.
FADE TO BLACK.
CREDITS.
Continue to Episode 2: “To Write Or Not To Write?” – Scene 1
James P. W. Martin 