EXT. SOCCER FIELD – DAY
Brendon walks to the bench. Coach McGuirk is sitting on the bench, resting his laptop on a soccer ball. He is still writing. He clearly hasn’t slept.
BRENDON
Coach?
COACH MCGUIRK
For art thou – what Brendon?! Don’t interrupt me!
BRENDON
What are you doing?
COACH MCGUIRK
What does it look like? I’m writing! Never interrupt a writer, Brendon.
BRENDON
Why?
COACH MCGUIRK
What? Do you just walk up to a firefighter and say, ‘hey, why are you putting out that burning building?’
BRENDON
No.
COACH MCGUIRK
That’s right, no. They stop to answer your little feeble-minded question, and in the mean time, people burn alive. You want that on your hands?
BRENDON
No.
COACH MCGUIRK
Well, the burning building is my mind, Brendon. Every second you waste yakking, it gets hotter and hotter.
BRENDON
What happened to marinating those idea pearls?
COACH MCGUIRK
Oh, get off your high horse, Brendon. It’s not a good look for you.
BRENDON
Where does that cable go?
Brendon points to the extension cord attached to McGuirk’s laptop, which extends out of frame.
COACH MCGUIRK
Don’t worry about it and don’t bug me, I have three hours hours to finish this chapter. Do you have any idea how long it takes to write? I’ve been at it for fifteen hours and I’m barely at four and a half pages.
Brendon looks over Coach McGuirk’s shoulder.
BRENDON
Are you copying Moby Dick?
COACH MCGUIRK
Not anymore. The book was just a jumping point, but I’ve reached a new plane and the ideas are excreting out of me faster than ever.
BRENDON
Reading is hard, too, huh?
COACH MCGUIRK
I couldn’t stomach another word of that garbage.
Coach McGuirk throws the book as hard as he can over the bleachers.
MELISSA
Ow!
Melissa walks into frame carrying the book.
MELISSA
Who threw this? Was it you Brendon?
BRENDON
No, it wasn’t me, it was, uh, the wind. Blew it right over there.
MELISSA
It’s not even windy, Brendon.
BRENDON
Oh, it was, just a moment ago.
MELISSA
Well now I don’t remember because I was just hit in the head by Moby Dick.
Melissa trips on the extension cord and falls down.
MELISSA
Ow! What the?
Melissa stands up.
MELISSA
Coach this wire is a safety hazard.
COACH MCGUIRK
No it’s not.
MELISSA
Yes it is, I just tripped on it, it’s a hazard of safety.
COACH MCGUIRK
Well now you know it’s there and you won’t trip again.
MELISSA
No! First I get hit with a Dick!
COACH MCGUIRK
Could you change the wording, please?
MELISSA
Then I trip on your computer wire. This isn’t okay, I’m about to call Mr. Lynch over here. Mr. Lynch!
COACH MCGUIRK
Okay, okay, Melissa. Technically, I’m not allowed to have my laptop on the field. But technically, girls aren’t allowed to play on the soccer team and I allow you to play any way.
MELISSA
Is that true?
COACH MCGUIRK
No. But if it were, wouldn’t you appreciate me for that?
MELISSA
Yeah.
COACH MCGUIRK
Well there you go. And technically, I threw the book that hit you in the head. Hehe.
MELISSA
What? Brendon you knew about this? And you lied to me?
BRENDON
What? No?
MELISSA
Why would you lie about something so trivial?
BRENDON
No I didn’t lie! It was simply a misjudgment. I had my back turned and I didn’t see it. I really did think it was the wind.
MELISSA
Well you’d have to be pretty stupid to think that, it’s a really heavy book.
BRENDON
Okay, Melissa, I admit I am very stupid.
MELISSA
Well that’s true. Okay I have to go.
Melissa exits frame.
COACH MCGUIRK
Wow, Brendon that was incredible.
BRENDON
What was?
COACH MCGUIRK
A female catches you in a lie and you dodge claiming stupidity. Haha. To think, fifty years of lying to women and I’m still learning new tricks.
BRENDON
So what are you writing about?
COACH MCGUIRK
James Bond, well it started out like Moby Dick, but Double Agent John McGuirk is way too cool to be stuck on some whaling boat sausage fest.
FADE TO BLACK.
James P. W. Martin 